Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
