We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
