Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
