Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
