I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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