I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Small penises have feelings too.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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