Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
