What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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