can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
