I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
