you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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