Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
