No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
