I want to stick my p in your. b.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
