I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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