her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
