So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize