Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
