She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
