please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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