Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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