roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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