I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need water and some morals
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
