is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
