Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
