you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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