bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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