With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
