What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
