i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
