just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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