i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize