I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
