Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
