i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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