Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
