In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
