You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
