What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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