i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
