The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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