So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
