Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
