I just threw up on my dentist
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
