I could have mohawked her pubes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
