John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
