just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
