i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
