Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
