Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
