Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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