Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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