You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
