If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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