they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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