I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I want her autograph on my taint
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
