I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
