i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
