Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
