Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
