I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
