he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
