So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
