I puked a lego.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
