is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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