Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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