my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Holy sore nipples Batman
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
