Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
