The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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