I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
