ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
PS: I just woke up from my shower
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
